Skyway Avenue

2010-04-21T19:41:00.002+08:00

Maybe i'm just an unimportant passerby.
Maybe everything should go back to what it used to be.
Maybe i'm just causing trouble.

I've always thought.
you would be there when the sky was going to fall.
you would be there where there was gonna be a waterfall.
you would be there when life sucked.
you would be there when i needed someone to talk to.
you would be there when everything screwed up.

but that never happened.

You disappoint me, but i deserve it.
You upset me, but that's life.
You piss me off, but i did it first.

You made me happy, i didn't give anything back.
You made me smile, i gave you a frown.

Maybe, your life just sucks with my presence.
Although i'm trying my best to mend things up,
i know its not enough.

Tell me if you don't want to see me, talk to me.
I won't blame you.
I know the fault lies with me.

2010-04-20T22:12:00.001+08:00

life seems bleak.

2010-04-19T18:21:00.002+08:00

You make my heart waver.
I set my mind, but you changed it
i try to avoid, but it shot me.
i dontknow what this feeling is.
but i'mlost when i dont talkto you.
i cant help but worry
i cant help but get angry.
it just brightens my day seeing your name there.
i don't like the times where you're not around.
i dont like the times you break a promise.
i dont trust you.
i trust you.
i don't know whether i do.
i just can't help being unpatient.
waiting makes me distracted.
i can't concentrate
can't do anything.
i'm just thinking about you all the time.
i hope you don't see this.

2010-03-23T22:25:00.002+08:00

Nah, i'm not gonna post about SCMUN. it is too amazing to be posted about. Honestly, i typed a at leas 3000 word post on SCMUN but, the come screwed and i lost the entire thing. so, i'm not gonna type again. just that, i love ga3.

Next, how's life. Just so awesome yeah? i guess i'm getting better day by day. Actually putting in effort to study, and do work. Just so much of becoming a hardcore mugger, i am addicted and stuck on facebook.

Well, i shall not elaborate much about my life, pretty boring. I love scmun alot. ga3 delegates, directors. My three days were fun, enriching, memorable. I haven't had such a great time for a really long time. It was just three days but we caught up really fast and i'm amazed at how bonded ga3 is. I can't wait for our awesome council's awesome outing. We're the best council.

2010-03-11T23:02:00.003+08:00

Tell me, why are you doing this. You know i'll always be there for you. Or maybe you don't. But why do you wanna close yourself. I can't stand how you act all happy in front of me when you're aching behind. Somehow, when you told me that you just decided not to open up to anyone, i just started tearing. With your apology. I've not been talking to you all this years but we go a long way back. Why are you doing this. I need not know why you are so sad. But why cant you just tell me when you aren't happy. Don't act all so happy and cry behind. i know its cause of that girl. But i don't request from you to tellme the whole story. I just want to know how you feel. It hurts to see someone you treasure lying to you. I guess you know that right. I'm not going to talk to you. Until the day you tell me you've got over it. If you don't want to tell me the truth. Anyway, i'll wait.

Why are you doing this too. I know db is important thing to you. I rly feel like telling you, let go of ***. She's not worth you. Stop looking down on yourself, saying you are not good enough. What happened to you a month ago? You never gave up. although you were being ignored. What happened to your goals? I know you can make it. I rly don't want you to give up. Because i can see how hard you're working towards it, how you pick up everytime you fall, i respect you alot. i really do. I wouldn't just let anyone call me a slut. Just be patient. Looking at you give up db makes me lose all my motivation. Don't do it. Seriously. I know, as long as you try, you can do it.

2010-03-10T21:34:00.000+08:00

"You'll always be a part of me, i'm part of you indefinitely. Girl don't you know you can't escape me, ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby."

2010-03-10T19:20:00.002+08:00

"The unforgotten memories, the awaited future."

I really love Natong alot. Maybe i just found a friend that good really understand what kind of person i am, that let me feel at ease with her all the time. She just has the power to make me tell her everything. This year has been tough, made me realise lots of things. but thank god she's there, they are there. It's when you're a predicament, you see your true friends. Those that trust you no matter what, stand on your side no matter what, give you the advice you need. I'm glad i've at least 10 of them, shall just list a few. Natalie, Ruiyun, okay. i guess the others, you will know. Anw, this year has been really tough. Getting back progress report on friday. Mini YOG tomorrow. Anyway, can't wait for SCMUN. Today, was great. We took neoprints, ate, shopped around. Because of the time constraint, we did not go to fareast. I'm super sad. Didn't get to buy the D&D dress. Shall go on saturday or something. I realised, my parent's are actually quite nice. at times. Well, i'm running out of things to say. So yeah.

2010-03-05T22:52:00.004+08:00

'You never fail to catch my attention.'

Somehow, i feel like locking the blog. or at least lock some posts. but, blogger doesn't let me do it. and i am too lazy to type in the email adds. okay, anw. i shan't talk about school. i'm just too tired to do so. Anw, you know who you are. i really don't want you to lose hope. i know you may get pissed at me saying this, but i really mean it. but no matter what you decide, i'll be there for you.

2010-03-04T18:32:00.005+08:00

Dear, i'm not angry with you.
i was just waiting for your apology.

Anyways, i'm not in the mood to talk much about these days. I borderlined passed amath, lack of 0.6 marks for an a1 for emath, borderline passes for english, chinese. I think the only subject that will pull me through is bio. I just had physics today. I was on the verge of crying when natalie told me the answers. I never knew this would happen, i just seemed like someone that wouldn't cry over results. Arent i that kind of person anyway. I just didn't know a test would mean so much to me that i'll cry over it. This week has been really bad. Piling up the homework, studying for my three sciences and being disappointed over and over again. I just can't wait for this to be over.

This week, made me realise the friends that would stay by me all the time. The friends that rly do treasure me for who i am. I thank lots of people. Hmm, i should write dedications!

Ruiyun

hey, i'm sorry for being in the cold war. I shouldn't have done stupid things. but im glad it made us realise things that we never know. If we don't fight a war, we will never know how strong our soldiers are. You get what i mean? haha. we must go shop shop shop! i've been quite upset cause you quitted scmun, but i'm getting over it! cause mian qiang shi mei you xing fu de. And, we'll be best friends. for as long as i'm in the right state of mind. Well, we all have faults and weaknesses but friends are supposed to accept them and stuff right! yep

Natalie

Natongong, thanks for this whole week. How you stayed by me all the time, listened to me rant and stuff and yeah. I'm super glad you're my friend you know. Well, scmun's coming soon. i know you are really really really stressed out. But, when you need help, just come find me. Like how you were there for me, i would be there for you. Just tell me when you need a hug. if you need to cry, my shoulder will always be there. We must go and buy masquerade outfits! and masks! okay, next friday go far east okay! i wann pontian mee. super super loved

Andre

Feel honoured that i'm writing a dedication to you, considering i've only known you for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 days! Okay, thanks alot for tolerating all my stupid smses. I'm gonna try rly rly hard to do what i promise you. eh you must count okay. I hope you count wrongly. You know every single time i type that sms i will remember what you said and i willdelete and retype. See you waste my time. pfft! okay, anw thanks alot. Like seriously. I would have been super duper upset if you werent smsing me all the time. And i'm so jealous you get to use your phone in class. Okay, next. Well, you must study super duper hard for bio cause its my favourite sub so you must excel in it. so if you win me, i got motivation to study. gosh, yours is the longest till here. okay, goodbye.

Miq

Thanks for being super mean and calling me slut all the time. Like somehow, it made me angry so i wouldn't think about certain things. Somehow, it just feels good talking my heart out to you. I have something else to tell you but you are in class. Its super super sad that i think i'm gonna cry damn hard. Super sad. Okay, i know you are really sad too. So, lets emo together. Eh wait. I'm not supposed to emo. And, i get to scold you when you emo! so yeah, continue emoing. And thanks alotttttt for your lousy councilling.

JiaJia, Dana, Samy, Jovin

Thanks peeps. sitting with you four made me destress alot. You guys are super great although you should all stop bullying me. In this kindergarden, we do not encourage bullying. RIGHT DANA! okay so, yeah thanks super lotsss.

Rachel yam.

Thanks alotlotlotlotlot. listening to my rants, giving me ultra useful hugs when i'm super down. you know you rock right! yeah you are such a rock. Oh no, i caught the rachel's disease. Okay anw, must study super duper ultra hard okay. Although i knwo you already are.

Nicholas
Thanks human. I think so far, you're the only person that will reply my emo sms at 12 midnight. Before i continue, get well soon. Must be healthy lah but old man, what to do. Okay anw, thanks for the long long councilling. It really helped. thanks for listening to me rant at 12 midnight. thanks for always telling me what bus ngee ann has. Oh no! you're not in ngee ann anymore. how howhow!! Anw, congrats on your letter of enlistment, you know shawn hasn't gotten his yet. But he'll probably be in some ulu thing cause he's colourblind! okay. Thanks again and again. Well, when you're upset, just text me. I will reply even if its rly late! xD

Denise

LAI ENHUI! okay, anw it was rly rly rly good talking to you the other day cause you're such a moron. my parents shouldn't have came so early right. then we could have talked more. Ever since you've been at njc, you look the same. okay anw, yeah. Thanks for listening to me rant and rant and rant on and on and giving me stupid advice. It was super good talking to you. I rly hope i can go to church onthe 21st.

I think its about there. I'm gonna tagg everyone on facebook cause if they don't read it, it wouldn't make sense writing. So, yeah. I guess i'll go facebooking now. this post is quite long. leh.

2010-02-27T23:17:00.006+08:00

'for everything you have missed, you havegained something else;
and for everything you gain, you lose something else.
it is about your outlook towards life. you can either regret or rejoice.'

When for SCMUN today. I thought i would have a severe stagefright. However, everything came out like the water flowing out from the tap. Somehow, something curbed the demon in me. I wasn't that afraid. Somehow, somewhat. Anyway, its quite sad that everyone is for arbitrary arrest, torture and extraordinary rendition. How to form allies leh. Sian, meeting Mr Ang on monday for further discussion. I have got to buck up.buck up. buck up. A basketball is a basket to shoot into, A softball is soft, A handball is played using the hand, Volleyball is the excution of a volley, a net ball has no net. Well, that is rubbish. Anw, i am really really tired. Have been really really tired. I have lots of work. screw,screw, screw. i wanna go for a camp! ):

2010-02-24T23:26:00.003+08:00

Short and Sweet.
Life just can't make it.
I'm getting stressed out. I admit.
So stop it. Leave me alone.
Just get away frome me.
And let me lone.
Maybe i would be better.
Maybe life would be better.
Maybe everything would get better.
Maybe.

2010-02-23T22:49:00.003+08:00

This can't carry on any longer. i need a avenue to vent my frustration. Ah whatever, i'm just gonna type it all out. You piss me off, somehow. There's just something lost between us. I don't see you as trying hard. I see you as irritating.

I hate how my life is now. I felt like crying countless times today. must thank papa and ah gong. Damn nice. Papa talk to me super long. Thanks daddy! hmm, i should talk about other things that aren't so saddening. Hmm, i add alot of ppl on fb today. Cause of scmun. like 5. they all don't seem to have done anything. Well, i hope this will be good. Anyway, didn't get to meet mr ang today. We were late, or he disappeared. Waited real long. natong <3 was with me. Anw, i feel that the best thing that happened today was that daddy became my daddy and ah gong became my ah gong. Was it just that my life has no good things. Anw, they are the best. Its ironic how daddy became daddy and ah gong became ah gong. Well, i used to 'bully' them alot. They say one. I cannot rmb! And now, they are my daddy and ah gong. Well, it brings me back to my point. Well, Life is ironic.

My march hols are packed to the max. 13th march - shopathon. 14th march - chiong scmun, tie up loose ends day. 15th march - scmun conference, chiong it at night. 16th march - scmun conference, chiong at night. 17th march - scmun conference + D&D!. 18th march - i wanna go appleland, homework day. 19th march - i wanna go sentosa! 20th march - homework day. 21st march - denise's birthday, gochurch(?). BUSY! anw, i can't wait to buy my slr. 3 more months leh!

Oh yeah, its ah gong's birthday tmr. Happy birthday edric ah gong. 祝你福如东海寿比南山。the cheena way! (: from your granddaughter!

2010-02-23T19:09:00.004+08:00

"i ain't gonna cry no, and i won't beg you to stay. if youre determined to leave girl, i'll not stand in your way. but inevitably, you'll be back again. cause you know in your heart babe, our love will never end. "

Today, had english presentation. Felt rly malu. How? Scmun!!! okay, i am going to tell myself i'm going to be confident. Must be confident. I realised i have alot of due work. I really need to sit down and mug. Today's emath was relatively easy but the matrices were tedious. Anyway, i felt like crying almost the whole day. I'm blaming myself for it. i know its my fault. Will you stop saying it? i really hope we'll all enjoy it. I love natalie, she's always there when i need a hug. I love natalie, she always know the wrong and right things to do. I love natalie, seeing her just makes me smile. In the morning, i pulled a long face throughout. I don't think i even smiled or laughed. It just wasnt the right thing to do. I had a warning point. I was late. I don't wanna do CWO. life just sucks. Seeing all the dates slowly nearing, it scares me. Time passes really quickly. School reopening till now feels like everything just happened yesterday. In no time, it'll be march. It will be the hols. In no time, it will be may, the exams. In no time, i'll be 15. I'm only looking forward to be 15 cause i'm gonna get my dslr. In no time, it will be the end of years. In no time, we'll have the headstart. In no time, we'll be sec 4's. In no time, the o'levels will come. It fears me somehow. Being at the bodyworld exhibit make me felt afraid of death. I was afraid of what will happen to me when i die one day. Will i die a famous, infamous or normal person. No one knows that. I don't know. It just feels really tiring. To continue living on. It feels tiring to go to school everyday. Why can't i just fall sick.

2010-02-22T20:32:00.002+08:00

It took me 14 years to know what real stress is. I've never, never felt so stressed out before. Till the point i can't think. Till the point i just feel like crying for no reason. It came to me that i can't manage my time well. I have so many things to do. To the extend, that someone like me, will feel like making myself sick just to escape from school. Somehow, maybe i've became closer to natong and ry and dawn and vann today. But they have their own problems too. And i listen to their problems, most of the time. I bought 7 books, went to body worlds, bought my earpiece. But somehow, this doesn't make me happier. This just tells me i'm running out of time. I've been thinking. It wouldn't matter too much if one day i just commit suicide and die. By jumping, i guess i'll solve alot of problems. I don't think i'll reply any of the tags. Just don't have the mood to.

2010-02-22T00:23:00.004+08:00

This is for all rich and poor people out there.
The Haiti earthquake is really bad, it destroyed almost all the houses, cause so many injuries. This child is only the most 5 yrs old. She has to go through all this pain and torture we might not even need to endure in our lives. She's not the only child, there are much more children with much more wounds than her. As we are sitting in front of the computer, facebooking. in front of the phone, smsing. why can't we just spend some of our money helping them. It's the thought that counts. Seriously, even 1 dollar makes a difference. I don't think any of us do not have 1 dollar in our wallet now. So, why can't we just help them.
Here's a link to donate money. This page is by a 16 coming 17 yr old guy. He composed a song for them to aid fundraising. The proceeds don't go to him. Since he's doing this so sacrificially, using his time to compose the song and record it why can't we play our part. Here's the link to the page to donate.
http://www.give.sg/TeamGIVE/splatterdashed/MelodyOfHope
I sincerely hope everyone will play their part and donate. Even if its just 1 dollar. Even if it's not to this listed website.

2010-02-21T17:34:00.030+08:00

Whenever life feels bad, think of those who have worser lives than you.
Whenever you want something but cant get it, think of those who cant even think.
Whenever you feel tired and want to sleep, think of those who cant even sleep.
Whenever you can't stand the greens, think of those who don't even have them.
Whenever you can't stand the clothes you have, think of those who don't even have clothes.
Whenever you have deducted money, think of those who survive on 10cents a day.
Whenever you feel stressed out, think of those that stress is their everyday.
Whenever you groan about how small your house is, think about those that don't even have a roof over their heads.
Whenever you think that life is unfair, think about how lucky you are.

This just strucked me when i realised how bad other's life are, and how good my life is. The Haiti earthquake just happened. We should all use our angpao to donate a lil to them. I think this is a rough period for everyone. It seems to me that no one is feeling happy and all now. Maybe its just the start of the year. I just wanna say that tomorrow will be better.

2010-02-20T13:15:00.002+08:00

Life seems rly bleak these days.
I happen to have lots of things to do. Scmun ppt, english ppt (make it better), chinese compo, maths, bio. poof, its just uncountable. Life at sec 3 shouldn't be so stressful right.

2010-02-18T22:11:00.002+08:00

I guess i've just decided to resort back to blogging. I have the urge to delete all my posts, maybe i should.
I don't know what to say here. Somehow or another, this is depressing to me. Life has been tough these days. With all the stress and everything. How i failed my tests. It seemed to not affect me but it kind of did. I would worry about my Amath grades, my Combined Humans grade, my physics grade my Eng grade. Bio has been so far so good, same for chinese. Maybe i should really buck up and start working. But its not that i don't want to. Everytime i try, i just cant do it. Maybe there are too many distractions in my life. I think of going out all the time. I don't know how bad that is. But i feel that that's the only time i can actually let my guard down and really go crazy. With the SCMUN, and the diff tests and exams and commitments i have in school, its difficult to not admit that i'm stressed out. Its ironic how this is the first time in my life i feel so lethargic. So much so that i just wanna stop all this and go to sleep. Hoping that when i wake up, things would go back to its place. Talk about the homework i have due. Chinese compo, SCMUN ppt, Eng newspaper article, Bio workbook, Bio practical, Bio peer tutoring and some stuff here and there. What can i say except that life is screwed up? it is the start of the year and i've tons of homework due. This may seem like a normal sec 3 life but i think im going to end up failing all my tests and exams and like be the last in class. The position doesn't matter that much its just that i've worked so hard last year, to be in the triple science class and it doesn't make sense to end up failing. I don't know. God, give me strength.
Friendship problems. I don't know if it exists. I really don't. Humans are hypocritical my nature. But i know, we should all treasure our friends. i think there is a reason why God made love and care exist. I have friends, i have Ruiyun, Natong, Petrina, Dawn, Jie Hui, Cherry, Vann and others but when it comes to finding comfort, consulting, i realised i don't know who to go to. They all seem to have more problems than i do. Ruiyun, Dawn, Vann have study related + kpop problems. Cherry and jie hui i don't rly know but natong i know she has alot too. and Marvin li has even more. Even if they do nothave problems, it doesn't mean that i will talk to them. Life is just troubling.
Let's talk about good things. There's media tomorrow. I don't know if that's good. I think in my three years in this cca, this years CNY production was the best thing ever. okay, it was a success. regardless of what. I shan't talk about last friday, saturday, sunday, monday, tuesday and wednesday and today. Just that i love family gatherings. (: And i got quite little ang pao compared to last year. Now, i don't know howmuch money i should give to the haiti earthquake. ruiyun give 80 leh.. sot!
okay, i think i'll stop here.

To Marvin Li: It's not your fault, don't blame yourself. Be glad i dedicated the last sentence of my most honoured post to you.

2010-02-08T00:12:00.003+08:00

This year is just screwed up. it's a miracle i'm actually posting here. Its just barely two months. and there are so many problems. Maybe i made a wrong decision? i'm damn stressed out. i don't know why as well. i am not the kind that will get stressed out if i don't do well. but somehow, this year is different. you have twice as much homework, half the amount of time. i can't stand how much i am stressed out by this. this isn't me. it isn't how i am. i'm not the kind who get stressed out by this little teeny weeny bit of thing. and i'm really upset cause i have lots of frienship problems. you know, it really sucks when you realise your true friends, aren't your true friends.

2010-01-14T19:06:00.002+08:00

Talked to trainer Miq the other day. On MSN. It was rly long. like from 7 till ard 12. we talked about lots of stuff like how we all normally talk. There was petrina, ruiyun, dawn, miq and i. Its suprising why petrina is there right? Well she decided to be super extra! anw, we didn't let her plan suceed.

We talked about lots of things and it made me feel that we reallydidn't treasure camp time properly. I didn't cry cause of Miq. And i cried after we talk. Its supposed to be really happy but it made me feel that all the time he was there, we didn't bond and he himself said we didn't have a htht with him which we all regret. Its rly sad lahs.

We had a super fun time talking to him. Kudos! Well, for the content of the chat... hmm.. its p and c. By the way i found out lots of shocking things that day which was OMG. and i shall reveal half of it which is that Mr Ng is getting engaged. Its a happy thing so can say right? haha. too bad if cannot say. Anw, congrats to him.

I went to macs today with ruiyun, we talked and chat. I think its shocking that i told her so much using my own mouth. We had lots of fun. Then we got denise to come over since she was going home from NJC. and we chat abt stuff and had alot of fun. Then Ruiyun's friend came and i didn't get the name. He was rly quiet. or actually we didn't talk to him at all. Then Petrina came! With her OG lahs. then she introduced and yeah. And i cabbed home cause i didn't want to squeeze in the damned bus.

Oh yeah. If shawn does see this, i'm happy that you're gonna work.

2010-01-11T20:08:00.003+08:00

I'm like gonna dedicate this post to someone that changed a lot of lives, gave alot of courage as presents and someone i admire alot. I shall not state the name but i guess most of you know who is that. Its quite obvious.

I guess this camp could be possible cause of you. The reason why this camp is so important to us is because of you. You're the greatest trainer we could ever have. When you said that you were sorry cause you don't know much about the knots and other stuff, we all felt rly sad in some way or another. You're the greatest trainer so not knowing that doesn't make a difference. We can learn it in some way or another so you're still the best.

We would have won anything without you cause you were part of our motivation to carry on with what we were doing and have the willpower to complete it. It was you that made an impact in our lives. I think back from time to time why i could do so many things i couldn't do before and why my fear wasn't there. I realised that its cause you're our trainer. Although you are one-handed, you can do things we can't do. You have the power we don't. Your one hand has even more strength than out two hands.

You always find the best for us and think about us before yourself. Because of you all, the campfire was possible, we were sitting in the front so we knew how hot that was. Just for that, you're the best trainer and we all agree on that point. If we were given a super experienced trainer i bet he wouldn't be a better trainer than you. If you didn't tell us you were 18 and that it was the first time you took a whole group, none of us would have thought that way.

In the first place, you look old. haha. jkjk. no lah. you're a damn good trainer so we thought you were damn experience. From the bottom of our hearts, we hope you'll have great camps ahead but will not forget us. Continue to be the best trainer you already are. You made our camp an unforgettable one.

2010-01-11T17:35:00.002+08:00

Today was the official first day of school. It started quite badly cause i was rly tired and furthermore i had a stomach ache cause the first thing i drank in the morning was coke. Then i was yawning past Mrs Yip's devotion. After that was singspiration. It was not bad but i don't rly like the songs they sing. In any case, i was rly worried cause of my shoe. I couldn't bear to dirty it. And i so wasn't used to it cause it was rly white.

Class started. First period was English. Our english teacher is on 1 month childcare leave so she was replaced by this woman. I like her cause she's rly nice and like the way she talks. The lesson was boring but i was busy doing math cause next was math and my teacher was like... Mrs Khor. Then we did some murderer thingy and stuff.

Next was math. Mrs Khor turned out to be really okay. She kind of cracked weird jokes and made us laugh. We had self intro as well which turned out rly hilarious. Then went for recess with vann, ry, dawn, jh, natong and cherry. I kept thinking about what yeow was doing. Apparently they were listening to talks.

Then was elec history. It was quite fun and interesting. I guess i made a super right choice to take history. The others said that geog was bad and the teacher was bad as well. We had biometrics and math after that. After math was bio. Mrs Tan is teaching us again. Maybe i will do well cause i learn well under her. Thank god she's my teacher.

Then was lunch and MRT. MRT was rly easy lah. If nothing goes wrong i'll probably get a full mark. Then after that chat and went home. Here i am blogging and i just realise and it just hit me that i'm stocking up homework. Which isn't that good...

Going with ry and the rest to buy stuff for class notice board. I was hoping yeow could go but i don't think her mother lets...

2010-01-10T18:21:00.002+08:00

What will you do when you feel that your life is super screwed. Go FML all day long? Or change it into something worse than before. I feel that to others i may seem super lucky to have such super 'good' parents. But everyone has their difficulties. I just feel my parents being two-faced all the time. They are like a time bomb. You don't know when they'll just bomb and kill you and destroy everything you have. You just hope that everyday was like yesterday because the bomb didn't bomb.

I have alot of things to say in my heart. I know there are alot but sometimes, i just can't put them in words. I can't say how happy i am to be in camp and how happy i am to not have to see my parents everyday. In everyone's eyes we might seem rich but my mother scolds me everyday about how much money i spend.

After the painters left we had to clear up the mess. They didn't touch the com room at all and yet i have to re-vacuum and re-mop the whole room once more. I had to do the other room as well. And they totally forced me to get rid of the paint. He was shouting like an absolute moron but it made me jump so i had no choice but to do it.

I just realised posting about how i feel didn't really make me feel better. Instead, it made me cry. At times i'll tell myself how screwed up my parents are and my life is and so i shouldn't waste my tears on them. But somehow, tears aren't controllable. Like camp. I don't know how many billion tears i've shed for it. If my exam was to write about my life, i would only have one word to write.

I guess the only support i have now that will make me want to live on is my friends and God. I've yet to feel God, maybe i don't have enough faith but i know he's there. Somehow. And i'm glad i've my friends. They are always there when i need them. When i don't need them, they are there as well. I feel bad towards them cause somehow i'm only there when i need them.

Somehow after writing all this out, i kind of feel better. At times, thoughts flow through my head like blood and i can't stop it from flowing cause if i do i guess i'll be dead. Sometimes i would wonder alot. Like what if i wasn't in this world. Maybe my parents would have been happier. What if one day i can't take it and leave home. Where will i go. If i leave home, what will happen if i run out of money. What if i walk out and i get banged down, how would life be for everyone.

I can't rly get the answers for all my questions. FML. I think i'm gonna need a super long prayer followed by a super long sleep and when i wake up i dont need to think about anything anymore. FML again. My dad just game into the room and shouted like there's no tomorrow. He just loves invading my privacy.

I'll state the reason of this post in the next post cause i'm going out soon.

P.S. Petrina, what will you do if i leave home.

2010-01-10T01:18:00.001+08:00

This post is the first post cause i've somehow decided to delete the past blogs and start a new blog. I don't know how long i'm gonna keep it but somehow i will. I just got super inspired by the camp and so i decided to blog. When i was packing for the camp, i super super dreaded camp. Its going to be insects infested and super dirty. Even when we were in school about to head to the campsite, i was totally bored and unintrested in the camp. When i realised i wasn't in the same group as vann, ruiyun and dawn, it was even more demoralising. I had no reason to go for the camp and i had alot of reasons to not go for it. Time to time i think about the reason i'm at the camp.

Day 1
So we were at school and we were given time to bond with our trainers. So i got rly bored cause i was in trainer Ttaqin's group and the other's were in trainer Miq's group. When i saw trainer Ttaqin i was super amazed and shock cause he was one-handed and being a trainer isn't that easy. We couldn't even do things properly so what about him? So we went into the bus and went to sarimbum. When we reached there i got super sian cause the mph floor got alot of sand. And so i kind of lived with it. Then we went to the Ahuts to check in. My room was really shiok cause there was only 6 of us and the others had like 10 or sth. Then we changed into track pants and we went to do high elements and abseiling. It was rly fun and scary too. But still, i was counting down to go home. Then so we went to cook lunch which was kind of screwed cause we tried frying potato and it failed badly. I kept fighting with Trainer TQ cause i was in a damn bad mood. Not rly fight lah but i was trying to be super irritating. Then it came to supper time and he told us more about himself. So i realised he was in Fairfield Pri and Sec so i was like OMG. Then he said he was 19 this year so which means he was in Fairfield Sec in 08. And Joe and Robin know who he is. He know who Robin is as well. Then he told us how his friends sabo-ed him cause they were doing the haunted house as a class so his friends told him to pretend to chop his hand of cause he was really one-handed. And guess what. I went into the haunted house six times. (ELTON DO YOU RMB? tell me if you do.) then so i was like OMG again. So we went to sleep.

Day 2
I didn't rly sleep well cause yeah. I woke up with a half broken neck. PAIN. Then we changed and went for breakfast at 6.45. I was quite moody cause we had to go to milo pond. Okay. So in the morning we went to do zipline and challenge pole and orienteering. Then after that we went to the milo pond. It was at the challenge valley. It had the net thingy they have at west coast park just that that one is chim-er. And trainer TQ did it. Damn zai. He had to demo how to fall as well. All of us were damn worried lah. And he did it. Super admirable. Then he had his 9 colour sunglasses on, the damn ex kind and he went in. So he dropped it in the milo pond. And never found it. Could tell he was rly sad. About the milo pond pda i shall not illustrate. Then anyway. I went into the milo pond. SUPER SHIOK. I went in twice!!! Then we went to kind of shower which meant he used the hose to spray around at us. Damn shiok as well. Then we went for lunch. After that was kayaking. did it with vann. It was the best out of everything. i love water. Then when we finished and about to go back, it started raining and so we all started running. Guess what, we decided not to run and we all played and cheer under the rain. Untill it got rly rly big. It was damn good. Then we went to the white tentage and played games. For indian poker trainer TQ lost first and it was so hilarious how he lost. He said he would not lose for sure and he lost. Then after it was the rock wall. Nothing much. And i super super enjoyed the day. That suddenly felt like camp. Then it was the night walk. Rly sad. I cried cause we had to reflect on what we did and so i got damn touched so i somehow decided to be rly rly hyper the next day. Personal goal.

Day 3
Then the third day came. It started by raining. After breakfast we did campfire prep and problem solving which was fun! Then after that was challenge valley. Miq and Ttaqin rocked cause they gave us alot of points. Teamwork was a crux and i kind of lost my voice there cause i shouted rly loud and alot. Then after that was lunch. Btw, we were the best in the challenge. XD Then we went for fire making and catapult making. Which followed by dinner and... CAMPFIRE. I shouted like crazy. I totally lost my voice lah. Should not say much except for the fact that our skit totally failed. Then during debrief when TQ talked and we wrote a letter to him each i felt super super sad. Cause we all saw how hard our trainers work, how much they shouted till their voices changed. How much sweat they sweat just for us to have a great campfire. Then i tried to stop my tears for like damn long and i holded Dana's hand for i don't know how long. But i still cried. Couldn't help. The tears flowed like some fountain. Then trainer TQ asked if Dana and I were okay cause we were crying. I couldn't look at him cause i knew if i did i was going to cry a sea. I haven't admired anyone so much for a rly rly long time. Including singers but he was someone i admired damn alot. Then we went to talk to ry and we all cried together.

Last Day
Then the next morning when it was time to leave we cried as well. We had final debrief after breakfast and so we spent the clean up time plus the debrief time talking. TQ told us more about himself and about his life experiences. For that moment we were just like long time no see friends talking to each other about our lives. We were like long lost friends but we had only known each other for 3 days. Camp is the best place to make bonds. Maybe cause this is where you see the best and the worst of someone. Then we took a school photo. Guess what, our group got the most hardworking group award. Coolios! TQ and Miq went back to school with us and we got their autographs. I think this camp is the greatest camp i've been to. It has totally changed my attitude towards camp. I regret a lot for not treasuring every sec we have there. And we had the most awesome trainer in the world. I finally finished this post and i can't wait for the next camp. Hope they take our juniors next year so we will be able to see them again.

I wouldn't mind if this was a 1 month camp or anything. This days were memorable and i guess it would follow us through our lives. It has kind of changed me alot. I don't wash my plates myself at home, i don't pack my things neatly, i don't bath in dirty toilets and cold water and i am scared of insects and stuff but i had overcome my fears. I ate things i wouldn't even touch at home and did things i never imagined i would do. I learned things which could aide me in life and made new bonds that would follow me through. I have learnt to love my friends even more and how to make life more perfect. I thank God for giving me such good trainers that i would remember for life and how much they thought us. Camp rocks.

There was only 3 bad points which was packing and unpacking, and me missing petrina. I'll think of her before i sleep everynight. When i cry i'll think of her. Like reall lots. cause she's the only one that can stop me from crying. If i'm not wrong. And even if i do cry a river,i'm used to her shoulder. I can't believe she's actually going to NJC. That day we past by NJC and i got rly sad and we were all whining cause petrina is going over. I think i'll miss petrina, denise and Paula real lots.

Dione: "Absence make the heart grow fonder."